I have to say- the process was word for word almost exactly the same for me, except I was/am more about pregnant and pregnant-seeming stuffed bellies. Thank you for sharing this- it's not something I shout to the rooftops, but it's good to know there are other folks who took the same route to what they enjoyed.
Excellent second part! I too would look everywhere to find information about fat females. I used to check the Guinness Book of World Records out from my elementary school library and look up the entries for World's Fattest Woman. I'd also cut up before and after diet ad pictures and re-sequence them into a more pleasing order. You had to get crafty in the pre-internet days to satisfy your fat fetish.
This is sorta like me o.o but I like all forms of women, tho some of these are suprisngly acurate. But I mostly do acceptence art and such, dousin't mean I don't draw something playful from time to time tho.
But I always felt odd about drawing fetishy work, I am to much about respect and such and bla bla bla lol, and even more so now with my gf lol.
I understand what you mean by the conformity, but from the sounds of it, I take it you were brought up in a stricty religios household? I was not, but the fear of being found out was still there. It's interesting how it affects us.
I understand what you went through entirely. I was much the same way. Of course, I have no art skills whatsoever, so I've yet to find a way to express myself as well and in such an entertaining fashion as you have. Your work is excellent.
As a really young kid I remember seeing one of those Looney Toons spinoffs with the young versions of bugs bunny and porky pig, etc. in it where two of them got really fat, and also a cartoon that was sort of a combination of a bunch of fairy-tales; it was like, Hansel and Gretel crossed with Red Riding Hood, so the witch was fattening up Red while she was in a cage.
I didn't understand why those images stuck in my mind, and I didn't even remember them till I started puberty and liking girls; it was really odd, almost as if those ideas were dormant in me for a long time, and even when they did surface I didn't connect them with liking bigger girls, at first anyway. I remember having a dream as a young kid, maybe 10, that a girl I knew had gotten really fat, and I remember being freaked out that I liked it, but then as I went into puberty, I didn't even realise I liked bigger girls; I think the first time I realised was when I was around 14. Before then all my fantasies were only about regular-sized girls; the first one I can actually remember was of me skinny-dipping with Misty from Pokemon which was...weird, to say the least.
Even when I started to realise that I liked big girls, I never thought it was wrong; I was afraid of what people would think of me, but I always rationalized that those people who would have ostracised me, the kind of people who make others feel bad about their bodies are wrong, and they were missing out. I always thought that they were worse off for not being able to see a larger spectrum of beauty; I could see this scale of beautiful people from small and slim to regular sized and big and soft and all they could see was the thin girls. Of course, I hid my attraction to bigger girls, and my WG art, but now I'm open about liking bigger girls without screaming "I LIKE BIG GIRLS" to everyone I meet, just like I'm semi-open about also being minorly attracted to guys (though I prefer thin or muscley guys, I don't mind slightly chubby guys; it sort of depends); if someone asks me if I'm attracted to a bigger girl or a random guy, or if someone says something derogatory about someone I think is beautiful, I'll answer them truthfully/call them out, and I wasn't ashamed to be seen in public with my ex though she was a little chubby; I liked the way she looked and thought she was beautiful, belly and all, and I told her that without any shame. I told other people that I thought she was gorgeous, because I did, and I still think she is.
It's just hard to say to people that you like chubby people without making it sound like you fetishise all fat girls or without having connotations that you're a "chubby chaser". I try to explain it more like that I like girls from a large range of sizes; that i can see beautiful things in slim girls and chubby girls, and even though when it comes to porn I'm partial to big girls, in real life I've been attracted to girls of all shapes and sizes.
this is great - your artwork is as evocative as ever & full of charm - and it really works well with this confessional/auto-biographical story.
And the comments these pieces generate really make me think my bf is right and there are alot more BBW/BHM lovers out there than people realize, because our society's enforced fatphobia keeps them afraid of revealing their true feelings.
Loved playing with waterballoons as well when I was a kid and totally kind got a perverse thrill from squishing them and often popping them, for sure. Also pillows or blankets... I totally did this as well. I have a really early memory from when I was a little little kid (like pre-kindergarten) of watching a Little Red Riding Hood cartoon and then getting kinda' excited (perhaps you could even say "turned on" in a way) at stuffing blankets in my shirt and my pants to make me look like the wolf with a "Little Red Riding Hood bulge" in my belly. My parents caught me doing this and I recall becoming really embarrassed about it since I felt like I was doing something "naughty"... they probably just thought I was being your average "goofy little kid".
This is the exact same path I followed, fat simulation and everything. My parents still believe that my preferences are what prevent me from being of "the norm". In all honesty though, I've seen today's "norm", and I frankly don't wish to be a part of it.
in a way, isn't this how we all descover our tastes? my story is almost identical, only i hid my works under the carpet XD it's impressive that even though i'm a mausiophile (preggo-lover) that people can descover these things the same... i first remember wondering about these kinds of things when i was three XD started off as WG and inflation fantasies
A lot of stuff similar to my own experience, particularly the pillow stuffing and the Internet being a portal of discovery for me, and also, unfortunately, the feelings of shame for liking something "weird." I remember at least one time I tried to decide I would be 'weight straight' and suppress my attraction to fat women and weight gain. Obviously it didn't take.